“i am at times terrified of you. of a rising violence in you
or your eyes growing large and you chasing me around the house
with your arms stretched like the wings of a plane.
and this terrible bleating sound coming from your mouth.”
this is what i think watching her sleep in the morning
when i think my heart will break at any moment
as i plan the escape route out with window with a sheet
or maybe like tapping her at several point on her face
causing confusion and maybe momentary paralysis.
i wouldn’t want to shoot her or do something that could not be undid.
or rile her up any more. in theory.
i feel like if you’re going to bring a gun into things
than you’d better make sure they get up, because i imagine
that being shot would hurt, and make a person very angry
and far less likely to have sex with you.