he walked in to the shoe shop and asked if he could buy that pair of shoes,
“that pair right there,” indicating which pair with his left hand.
the man behind the counter said "i am sorry. you cannot."
he replied "i have crawled through the hills,
setting fire to every house i could see,
until the whole town looked like a giant light bulb
and the rains came,
like a shower,
or a garden hose
operating on an automated timer.
afterwards i walked past a box of wild hornets
just to get here."
"OH NO!" exclaimed the salesman,
"a box of wild hornets!"
"yes", the man replied
"a box of wild hornets."
"i am sorry," said the salesman "but we are closed.
and if i make an exception for you,
i have to make one for everyone
and then my cost of living would be defeated
and me along with it.
also if you do not leave soon i will call the police
because we do not appreciate arson in this town."
the man looked at the salesman, and gave him his best understanding look.
he walked out into the darkness,
and crawled through the hills.
days later, he emerged,
bringing back several runaway fathers
and the townspeople rejoiced.
with his newfound good will,
he got himself a wife, and settled down.
they had three children who all achieved moderately good grades
and two of which played soccer for several years.
every night when everyone was asleep,
he would go into the basement
and invent a small model of a town
and when he had finished construction,
he would slowly and methodically set every house on fire,
and wait for the rains to come.