dollar store diamonds fr eyeballs ya hearddd

finished the first draft of my story fr the dollar show tour
anyone that can't make it to national mechanics at 9pm on monday july 13 can feel free to email me fr a copy of the story.
these are two pictures of my item.






here is an excerpt



burning the air between here and there



*
I took out the garbage. Then I took out the recycling. The paper had to have a lid on it. The plastic did not. The garbage men came. I sat on the stoop waiting. What are you doing with all of that I asked. We are he said Building you a beach with it.


*
This seemed hard to believe.


*
There was a cop in the back yard again. He was trying to build a deck. But he didn’t have any wood. I had no idea what he was trying to hammer together back there. Hey I said. Scoot.


*
Failing that I told him to grow me an ocean. I told him I heard they were building us a beach. What I asked Did he think of that?

i'm finna start all conversations like this from now til forever

(with dan bailey)



I’M FINNA GUT YR DICK A LIKE LANDMINE

I'M FINNA START A SMALL BUSINESS AND USE ALL THE MONEY I MAKE TO BUY GAS SO I CAN DRIVE TO WHERE YOU ARE AND KILL YOU WITH SWISS ARMY KNIFE SCISSORS

I'M FINNA BLOW UP YR HOUSE LIKE I BLEW UP YR MOM LAST NIGHT EXCEPT VIOLENTLY AS OPPOSED TO SEXUALLY
AND THEN MAKE YOU A CROWN
OUT OF CINDERBLOCKS

I'M FINNA TAKE STEROIDS SO I CAN EVENTUALLY BEAT YOU UP AND I AM GOING TO PRACTICE ON A MUMMY

I'M FINNA MAKE YOUR BABY BROTHER INTO A MUMMY AND SNEAK HIM INTO YR HOUSE AND THEN WHEN YOU KILL HIM YOU WILL WEEP ETERNALLY

I’M FINNA KISS YOU
RIGHT ON THE FACE
BECAUE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

I'M FINNA REPLACE ALL YOUR VEINS WITH SNAKES AND YUR FUCKING ARMS ARE GONNA HURT FROM ALL THE SLITHERING

I'M FINNA KISS YOUR MOM'S INSIDES
WITH BULLETS

I'M FINNA WRAP YR DICK IN PLASTIC AND HEAT SEAL THAT SHIT SO WHEN YOU BLOW YR LOAD IT GETS BLOWN BACK INTO YOU AND EVENTUALLY YOU WILL GET A VERY BAD INFECTION FROM IT

I'M FINNA STAND ON YUR ROOF AND KARATE CHOP THE FUCK OUT OF IT UNTIL IT BURIES YOU LIKE A BUNCH OF DICKHEAD WORMS AND SHIT

I'M FINNA HOLD YOU CLOSE ALL NIGHT LONG AND SLOW DANCE AND THEN I'LL WALK YOU HOME AND TUCK YOU INTO BED
AND WHEN NOBODY IS LOOKING IM FINNA CUT OUT YR HEART WITH AN ICE CREAM SCOOP AND PUREE THAT SHIT AND HAVE IT FROZEN INTO ICE CREAM THAT I WILL SNACK UPON FR ALL MY DAYS

I'M FINNA GROW A FOREST OF CONFERS AND TAKE YOU ON A LOVELY NATURE HIKE AND THEN I'M FINNA BURN THAT SHIT UP WITH BOTHS US INSIDE LIKE DAT

I'M FINNA GROW YOU A LAKE INSIDE MY HEART AND WHEN YOU DROWN AND A SHARK EATS YOU YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A PART OF ME

I'M FINNA UPCHUCK ALL MY INTERNAL ORGANS AND ARRANGE THEM LIKE A LIKE A LOVE LETTER TO A CIVIL WAR LADY AND SEND IT TO YOU LIKE I AM GOING TO DIE IN A WAR AGAINST PEOPLE FROM LIKE VIRGINIA OR SOME SHIT

I'M FINNA CUT MYSELF WIDE OPEN AND EMPTY OUT EVERYTHING INSIDE ME AND BE A SLEEPING BAG FR YOU AND ALL OF YR DAYS

I'M FINNA WEAR A TRACK SUIT AND WALK AROUND IN YOUR HOUSE AT NIGHT WHILE YOU TRY TO SLEEP BUT YOU CAN'T SLEEP BECAUSE OF THE SWISHY SOUND MY TRACK SUIT MAKES WHEN I MOVE

I'M FINNA GRIND YOU UP AND PUT YOU IN A MR COFFEE MACHINE BUT NOT ALL OF YOU AND ALSO MAKE YOU ADDICTED TO THE WAY YOU TASTE SO YOU'LL ALWAYS BE THERE IN THE KITCHEN WHEN I WAKE UP WAITING FR ME SAYING HEY SASHA I MISSED YOU AND THEN I'LL CUT OFF A COUPLE INCHES AND GRIND THAT SHIT UP AND BREW IT UP RIGHT AND TASTY AND GREAT JUST FR YOU BECAUSE I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT YOU

I'M FINNA THROW UP IN MY MOUTH AND JUST HOLD IT THERE AND THEN I'M FINNA WALK TO YUR HOUSE AND STAND ON YUR FRONT LAWN AND THEN I'M FINNA WAIT FOR YOU SO YOU CAN WATCH ME LOSE SOMETHING THAT USED TO BE MINE

I'M FINNA WRITE YOU A LOVE LETTER IN THE SKY WITH A LITTLE JAPANESE MAN IN AN AEROPLANE AND SIGN IT WITH A BIG OL POOFY RED CLOUD

I'M FINNA CHUGALUG SUM TASTY HO-CHOW AND LET THAT BE A WARNING TO THE WORLD AND YOU THAT I AM NOT FUCKING AROUND, THAT I NEED TO BE LOVED TOO

I'M FINNA GRAB YOU BY THE LEGS AND THROW YOU UP TO THE SKY SO YR PRETTY LIL FACE CAN KISS THE PRETTY LIL FACE OF OUR LORD AND SAVOIR JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHT WHO RESIDES UP IN THERE WITH THE CLOUD PEOPLE IN THE CLOUD LANDS IN THE UPSTAIRS OUTSIDE

I'M FINNA TAKE A HAIL MARY SHAPED DUMP ON YUR HEART AND BURY MY FACE IN IT LIKE I AM HIDING FROM WHATEVER I AM HIDING FROM, WHICH IS NOT THAT SCARY, BUT IT IS

I'M FINNA GRAB YOU BY THE BALLS AND THROW YOU OVER MY BACK AND RUN YOU ACROSS THE FOOTBALL FIELD OF AMERICAN GLORY AND HOIST YOU OVER MY HEAD INTO A DEEP DARK HOLE WITH A TV AND A BOOKSHELF INSIDE AND THERE YOU WILL BE SAFE FOR ALL OF YOUR DAYS AND THE ONLY WAY TO TALK WILL BE WITH A TIN CAN PHONE ALL THE WAY TO MY HEART

I'M FINNA LET A GRIZZLY BEAR RAPE MY ENTIRE FAMILY SO THAT I CAN FEEL THE WAY THAT I FEEL ABOUT YUR FACE AND HAVE IT BE A GENUINE FEELING, SOMETHING THAT I HAVE EARNED

I'M FINNA CUT YR MOTHER OPEN AND WEAR HER LIKE A COAT SO THAT WAY WHEN I COME HOME TO YOU I COME HOME AS SOMETHING YOU'VE KNOWN FOREVER AND THAT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO YOU

I'M FINNA GO BOWLING TONIGHT AND WHEN I GET BACK I WILL BE VERY SCARY LIKE A THUNDERSTORM TOUCHING THE INSIDE OF A CAT FUR SHOWDOWN WHERE EVERYONE DIES WITHOUT EVER HAVING SAID "I LOVE YOU"

I'M FINNA WRAP YOU LIKE A MUMMY IN FROZEN WAFFLES AND BACON STRIPS SO YOU NEVER GO HUNGRY ON THE DAYS WHEN I DISAPPEAR OR GET EATEN ALIVE BY PACKS OF HUNGRY SPACE WOLVES BECAUSE I HAVE FLOWN TOO CLOSE TO THE SUN

I'M FINNA GROW A BEARD AND KEEP YOU INSIDE IT SO YOU CAN SWING AROUND LIKE TARZAN AND SLIDE DOWN SHAFTS OF MY BEARD HAIR LIKE A FIREMAN AND YOU ARE NOT THAT IMPORTANT IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THE UNIVERSE AND NEITHER AM I

I'M FINNA HAVE YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER PERSON AND THEN ONE DAY SHE WILL MAKE A THUNDERSTORM IN YR HEART AND YOU WILL SAY BITCH STOP THERE'S ONLY ONE THUNDERSTORM IN MY HEART AND SHE WON'T AND YOU'LL HAVE TO BREAK HER NECK BECAUSE THERE IS ONLY ONE THUNDERSTORM IN YOUR HEART AND THAT IS MINE NO MATTER WHAT I'VE DONE OR WHERE I'VE GONE AND I HAVE BEEN OUTSIDE ALL DAY READING A BOOK THAT I HAVE MIXED FEELINGS ABOUT AND DREAMING OF ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT IS INSIDE OF ME AND ALL THAT IS INSIDE OF YOU IS A THUNDERSTORM THAT I GREW THERE, FROM A KIT, OFF THE INTERNET, WHERE YOU CAN GET JUST ABOUT ANYTHING THESE DAYS

I'M FINNA ROLL AROUND IN THE DIRT UNTIL I AM AS BIG AS THE DIRT AND BIGGER AND THEN I'M FINNA ROLL UP TO YOU AND YOU FINNA COLLAPSE INTO THE DIRT LIKE YOU DO AND WE FINNA ROLL AROUND THE EARTH COLLECTING USELESS OBJECTS TO BLEND WITH UNTIL THERE IS NOTHING LEFT BUT THE DIRT THAT WE HAVE BECOME AND THAT WILL BE OUR SECRET RELIGION

I'M FINNA CUT YR HEAD OFF AND YELL DOWN THE HOLE IN YR NECKSPACE I MADE AND HOLLER 'PLEASE TAKE CARE OF THIS BEAUTIFUL BOY' AS I LEAVE YOU ON MY DECK FR THE GIANT MOTHER BIRD TO COME DESCEND FROM THE SKY AND TAKE YOU TO HER BABIES WHERE YR BODY WILL NOURISH THE REST OF THE WORLD AND EVERYTHING CONTAINED WITHIN IT

I'M FINNA GET CRABS JUST TO PROVE MY POINT

I'M FINNA CRACK YOU OPEN LIKE A LOBSTER JUST SO YOU CAN KNOW WHAT THINGS FEEL LIKE AFTER YOU GET BOILED ALIVE

I'M FINNA COMPLAIN ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT EVER HAPPENS TO ME BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS GAY, WHY I GOTTA DO THIS?

I'M FINNA CUT YR MOUTH OFF SO YOU DON'T EVER GOTTA SPEAK AND LEARN HOW TO TALK TO ME WITH YR EYEBALLS YOU WHINING LITTLE CUNT LET ME HOLD YOU

I'M FINNA CRAMP YUR STYLE SO HARD THAT YOU HAFTA LEARN NEW COPING SKILLS LIKE PUNCHING WALLS AND COMMITTING SUICIDE SO THAT YUR BODY SATURATES THE EARTH

I'M FINNA THROW YOU IN THE AIR CONDITIONER SO THAT IT CHEWS YOU UP AND MAKES YOU INTO SOMETHING VERY NEW AND ALSO COLD AND WHOLLY DIFFERENT AND ELECTRIC

I'M FINNA GIVE YOU ROOFIES AND THEN TAKE YOU TO A TATTOO PARLOR AND GET YOU A TATTOO OF A PENIS GOING INTO YOUR NOSE BECAUSE GAY JOKES ARE HILARIOUS

I'M FINNA GIVE YOU ROOFIES AND THEN TAKE YOU TO A TATTOO SHOP AND LAY YOU DOWN IN A NICE COMFY CHAIR AND GET A PICTURE OF THE WORLD TATTOOED ON YR FACE SO THAT YOU CAN FINALLY GET HOW THE FUCKING WORLD WORKS EVERY DAY WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE GODDAM MIRROR I'VE PLACED IN YR BATHROOM

I'M FINNA CRAYON THE INSIDES OF YUR GODDAMN TEETH LIKE ALL DIFFERENT COLORS AND THEN STEAL YUR TOOTHBRUSH SO THAT YOU GET CAVITIES AND THE DENTIST WILL TELL YOU THAT YOU FINNA DIE BECAUSE YOU FINNA

I'M FINNA PULL OUT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YR TEETH AND NAIL THEM ALL ONTO MY WALL AND KEEP THEM THERE FR WHENEVER I WANT TO THINK ABOUT YR SMILE AND CRY A LITTLE AND THEN I WILL USE THE TEARS TO POLISH THEM AND FOR EACH TEAR I CRY I WILL CRY ONE LESS IN THE FUTURE

I'M FINNA BANKRUPT YUR MOM SO THAT NEXT TIME YOU GO HOME SHE NOT FINNA BE ABLE TO GIVE YOU A TWENTY DOLLAR BILL LIKE SHE ALWAYS DID AND EVENTUALLY THE LACK OF MONEY WILL HURT YOU AND YOU FINNA SAY "LORD, I AM NOTHING WITHOUT MONEY. PLEASE RESCUE ME FROM THIS. WHY DO SUCH TERRIBLE PEOPLE HAVE SO MUCH MONEY WHEN I AM SO POOR." AND THE LORD FINNA SAY, "YOU ARE ONLY POOR BECAUSE YOUR HEART IS POOR." AND THEN YOU FINNA CRY AND THEN I'M FINNA GIVE YOU A SLOPPY KISS AND YOU FINNA FEEL BETTER

I'M FINNA PUT YOU IN A GOLD FOIL WRAPPER AND SAVE YOU FR A RAINY DAY WHEN I FEEL BLUE

I'M FINNA TRY HARDER FOR YOU, I SWEAR

I'M FINNA CRACK YR HEAD WIDE OPEN LIKE A DELICIOUS NUT AND THAT'S IT AND THAT'S ALL

I'M FINNA FEEL THANKFUL FOR EVERY DAY THAT I'M NOT DEAD AND ALL

HOW INDEED

ughbooklife

not sure what to do with the book right now. need to just probably sit around and think for a while. need to go through probably and isolate images and things. in my head it's all of it blurring together. should sit down and write the dollar store piece maybe clear my head a bit. need publishers to accept my poetry manuscript. dear publishers please accept my poetry manuscript please thank you.

i went through everything here is ok and removed any and all mentions of dreams that were not part of a conversation between two people. e.g. 'i dreamed abraham lincoln told me his entire life was a series of elaborate lies' became 'Abramham Lincoln came by to tell me his entire life was a series of elaborate lies.' i am much happier with this decision. ryan and i were talking a while ago and we were talking about doing that about making everything in this book a fact about removing the mention that what is occurring is a dream so that the dreaming and the action are the same thing because dreaming is an action just like eating and also like other actions so it should be that way right yes ok done win

for dinner i am going to make chicken parm for me and my brother because it is fried and he will like that. it will be great.

i think this blog post is done.

listening to the drifters while reading gary lutz is really weird and completely awesome.

john the mexican whale