isn't this what you were looking for?


“i had no idea how long i was there.
but that it was warm most of the time
and i kept feeling like i should have found someone else
or a series of skeletons,
or something.
i am thinking about inventing a word
for when you keep waiting for something to happen
that feels imminent but never comes.”

this is what i told her sitting up in bed, staring at a far wall.
she asked how i got out and i told her i didn’t remember.
that i probably woke up before that happened.
but that i remember there were all these people
and everyone was so kind,
even though i didn’t know them

she said that was probably a different dream.
i breathed hard through my mouth twice,
and said you are probably right
but she was asleep then.


joli said...

ok i'll say what i said before so you can read it when youre more sane:

the last three sentences of the first little room need to be more succinct.

'series of skeletons' is not a strong visual phrase.

in the second little room when you say you remember all of the people, it is obvious that this is not related to the inside-the-whale dream because you imply in the third line of the first little room that there is no one else there.

therefore, the last little room is essentially obvious and unnecessary. in fact, the 'you're probably right' response should be 'yo seriously. i know'. do you see what i'm saying? i don't know how this can be rectified.

but this reminds me, would you say 'you are right'?

no but keep going, sash. i'm impressed how quickly this seems to be coming together for the best. i mean... from the looks of it, it must have taken forever. y'nawmean.


Rose said...

I absolutely love the title, but I don't see how it directly connects to the poem.

joli said...

it's about being swallowed by a whale.

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