we had to write wisdom for writer as teacher. here is my wisdom. i am imparting it to you.
When it comes down to it, one of the great things about poetry is the fact that it’s essentially abstraction. That this is as close as writing gets to abstraction. I am saying that if literature was New York City in the late 1940’s, you bitches would be all Willem de Kooning and shit. This is the way we go about it. We can be direct or indirect. We can use any form we want. We can use whatever structure best gets it across. Everybody knows poems don’t have to rhyme or conform to a specific structure to be called poems. You have nothing to be afraid of. So write a poem.
Don’t bring in anything to workshop that you aren’t ready to have talked about. In theory you know what I am talking about. We all have poems we are too close to. People offer us help and our immediate reaction is to explain why they are wrong. This helps nobody. We are not those people. Those people who help nobody. We are here to make our poems the best poems ever.
Sometimes you write a poem and you think to yourself THIS IS NOT THE BEST THING EVER I AM TERRIBLE. No you are not. We all have terrible things we have done. File that shit away in a folder marked UH OH? and look at it in a few months. Worst case scenario is you delete it out of shame. Best case scenario is it’s like finding a map to awesomeness that you wrote in your sleep and lost and found again and it led you straight to awesomeness.
When talking about work in a workshop, we are going to talk about the poem and what is on the page. We are going to say what we think is working and why, and we are going to say what we think is not working and why. We are going to try to talk about what the poem is trying to accomplish and the best possible ways for it to do that better. We are going to try to not talk about much else.
When you hit the point in a poem where you do not know what to do and start freaking out, save the document and put it away for a week or two. Try real hard not to do something unless you have a solid idea of what you are doing and what you want to do. This way you avoid the weeks of agony of having no idea what you are doing and trying desperately to fix things. This is a lot like being set on fire and running around in a linen closet exclaiming that you are on fire. Best sit yourself down in the bathtub and have a think.
Other times, maybe just keep writing until something happens, and if it does then that is called a breakthrough, and if it does not then that is called life and we go to bed and try again in the morning, or maybe when we have a better idea, like later on, after sitting in the tub and having us a think, or maybe in the morning we see that we did a good thing and all that worrying was just silly and got our heartrates up and made us write terrible panicked emails to friends and loved ones and instructors.
It is always a good idea to look at your work and figure out what it is that you are not doing, and then write poems about that. Me, I like to write poems sometimes without using “I” or having weird surreal shit happen, or maybe not let myself use images I use way too much.
On a related note, figure out what kind of poems you don’t know how to write and then write them. Always try to work on something that is outside your general interests/what you consider to be your “body of work”. This keeps you nimble and also presents you with a widened image bank/vernacular/trick moves to then fold into your “body of work” making it super formidable.
Formidable is something we should all of us aspire to be.
Don’t every worry about turning in a bad poem but do fucking worry if you think about turning in a poem you don’t care about.
Wallace Stevens once said that poets are born not made. Gordon Lish once said "I see the notion of talent as quite irrelevant. I see instead perseverance, application, industry, assiduity, will, will, will, desire, desire, desire."
One is an asshole and the other was an insurance salesman.
We are trying to say here that being really good is great but that if you don’t work your fucking ass off every second of every day then all you are is a lazy asshole squandering talent.
Find yourself a real smart lady or gentleman that will help edit the shit out of your work. Also nice is that when you read them a poem you become real aware of if it’s awesome or not, because you are trying to sleep with them, and you want your poems to be awesome enough for them to also want to sleep with you. This way everybody wins.
Sometimes you gotta take a day off. So maybe take a day off.
Showing posts with label grad school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grad school. Show all posts
two excerpts from my avant gardes paper on the relationship between mayakovsky and ohara
[Most of Mayakovsky’s works consist of political and revolutionary poems-as-tracts.] What remains are his satiric plays and his lyrics on the themes that were central to Mayakovsky’s life: a man’s longing for love and his desolation in a hostile and inhuman world; his yearning for the absolutes of human experience and his rage at his impotent self.
Mayakovsky’s life was guided by an almost inescapable sadness, one that for him was as inescapable as the dune buggy that ran over Frank O’Hara on Fire Island. (It is important to note two-thirds of O’Hara’s work is not devoted to political tracts). (And also that Mayakovsky killed himself and O’Hara died of injuries sustained from being hit by a dune buggy while idly standing by a busted jeep in the middle of the night on an island.) But here too is a point where they differ.
Mayakovsky had a need to be consumed, to be swallowed whole by something greater. For most of his life, this need was consumed by the revolution, and once the revolution became the party, then it was the party; and whenever it wasn’t the party, it was love; and when it was love, it was an all-consuming tragic obsession, a “yearning for the absolutes of human experience.”
Frank O’Hara had a need for fluidity, a need to be able to walk away. It’s not so much that he went from lover to lover, but that even in his breakup poems, even when he screams his head off in “A Rant”, after naming all the things he isn’t going to take anymore, he calls out for the lover to come back, “for a minute!/ You left your new shoes. And the/ coffee pot’s yours!” There were no/ footsteps. Wow! What a relief!” Even when he gives all the reasons in the world to be rid of someone, he still calls them back; and even when he calls them back, he still hopes that they never come, that they never hear him, that the world will continue to turn, and that O’Hara can once more feel “[himself] again.”
For Mayakovsky and O’Hara, interactions with the arts were a full immersion experience. They exchanged ideas with painters, dancers and actors throughout their careers. Mayakovsky in fact went to art school and spent most of his life designing posters and slogans for the party, while O’Hara spent his life thinking: “I would rather be/ a painter, but I am not.” These lines are from the poem “Why I Am Not a Painter,” where he goes on to talk about how confused he was by his friend Michael Goldberg’s method of painting, and then recounts the methods used to write his poem (or twelve-poems-in-one-poem) “Oranges,” and the similarities that occur within these two methods.
Kazimir Malevich designed the set for Mayakovsky’s play “Mystery Bouffe.” Malevich was a Russian painter and founder of the Suprematism movement, and wrote: “I felt only night within me and it was then that I conceived the new art, which I called Suprematism.” His work has often been understood in terms of a negation of realism (due to his obsessions with monochromatic works and geometric figures), but it can more readily be described in terms of a need to be consumed by something greater than oneself. In Malevich’s case, this meant the one image and the one color. Suprematism stood for holding true above all else: the giving of oneself over to that which is inside and doing so wholeheartedly. When there was only night within him, Malevich painted the Black Square, which is a large black square on a white field. And while Mayakovsky’s work may more readily be compared to that of the Futurist artist Aleksandr Rodchenko (with whom he worked as a poster designer), it is the need to be consumed by something greater than us that indeed exists in all of Mayakovsky’s work. And in the end his life was consumed by his inability to internalize the irreconcilable difference between his need to be consumed with his need to assert his ego and place in history. His friend Boris Pasternak wrote: “Mayakovsky shot himself out of pride because he had condemned something in himself... with which his self-respect could not be reconciled.”
O’Hara had a long and well-documented relationship with the majority of the artists working in New York during the 1950’s and 60’s, particularly Willem De Kooning and Larry Rivers. However, it is his relationship with Jasper Johns is the most interesting in terms of a painter whose will reflect back to certain aspects of O’Hara. In 1961, Johns painted In Memory of My Feelings – Frank O’Hara. It was also in this year that he made Painting Bitten by a Man (which is exactly what it sounds like: a canvas covered in encaustic and bitten by a man and mounted in an old type plate), Water Freezes, Liar, and No. This period represents Johns’s need to internalize and organize the gut; to take his resounding emotions of sadness (which are evident in the titles: the paintings are called No, Liar, Painting Bitten by a Man and In Memory of My Feelings) and to lay them out and organize them into ways of dealing. And while Robert Rauschenberg might be easier to compare with O’Hara, as the two of them were constantly turning out material, it is this need to organize rather than embrace our emotions that seems so present in Johns’s work, and connects so well to these aspects of O’Hara’s. When Johns encounters sadness he works through it. He takes these gut emotions and finds a way, through his art, to organize and document his pain and sadness. His work seems to, in this case, be a proponent of the notion that by giving voice to a thought we are letting it out of ourselves and into the world. In Painting Bitten by a Man, Johns gives us a painting bitten by a man. It is a raw and visceral expression of pain and frustration, but at the same time it is an incredibly controlled action. Johns had to wait until the wax was hot enough to take the imprint of his teeth, but not so hot as to burn him, or to continue melting on until the canvas was one even surface. In order to express this pain he had to wait, and he had to think. He, much like the narrator in “Mayakovsky,” had to find a way to be himself again.
the paper is called
INTERNALIZING THE DIFFERENCE
Frank O’Hara’s internalization of Vladimir Mayakovsky’s poetics, and the
difference between them.
and it's in chicago which is why the quotes don't seem to be cited because they are footnotes.
Mayakovsky’s life was guided by an almost inescapable sadness, one that for him was as inescapable as the dune buggy that ran over Frank O’Hara on Fire Island. (It is important to note two-thirds of O’Hara’s work is not devoted to political tracts). (And also that Mayakovsky killed himself and O’Hara died of injuries sustained from being hit by a dune buggy while idly standing by a busted jeep in the middle of the night on an island.) But here too is a point where they differ.
Mayakovsky had a need to be consumed, to be swallowed whole by something greater. For most of his life, this need was consumed by the revolution, and once the revolution became the party, then it was the party; and whenever it wasn’t the party, it was love; and when it was love, it was an all-consuming tragic obsession, a “yearning for the absolutes of human experience.”
Frank O’Hara had a need for fluidity, a need to be able to walk away. It’s not so much that he went from lover to lover, but that even in his breakup poems, even when he screams his head off in “A Rant”, after naming all the things he isn’t going to take anymore, he calls out for the lover to come back, “for a minute!/ You left your new shoes. And the/ coffee pot’s yours!” There were no/ footsteps. Wow! What a relief!” Even when he gives all the reasons in the world to be rid of someone, he still calls them back; and even when he calls them back, he still hopes that they never come, that they never hear him, that the world will continue to turn, and that O’Hara can once more feel “[himself] again.”
For Mayakovsky and O’Hara, interactions with the arts were a full immersion experience. They exchanged ideas with painters, dancers and actors throughout their careers. Mayakovsky in fact went to art school and spent most of his life designing posters and slogans for the party, while O’Hara spent his life thinking: “I would rather be/ a painter, but I am not.” These lines are from the poem “Why I Am Not a Painter,” where he goes on to talk about how confused he was by his friend Michael Goldberg’s method of painting, and then recounts the methods used to write his poem (or twelve-poems-in-one-poem) “Oranges,” and the similarities that occur within these two methods.
Kazimir Malevich designed the set for Mayakovsky’s play “Mystery Bouffe.” Malevich was a Russian painter and founder of the Suprematism movement, and wrote: “I felt only night within me and it was then that I conceived the new art, which I called Suprematism.” His work has often been understood in terms of a negation of realism (due to his obsessions with monochromatic works and geometric figures), but it can more readily be described in terms of a need to be consumed by something greater than oneself. In Malevich’s case, this meant the one image and the one color. Suprematism stood for holding true above all else: the giving of oneself over to that which is inside and doing so wholeheartedly. When there was only night within him, Malevich painted the Black Square, which is a large black square on a white field. And while Mayakovsky’s work may more readily be compared to that of the Futurist artist Aleksandr Rodchenko (with whom he worked as a poster designer), it is the need to be consumed by something greater than us that indeed exists in all of Mayakovsky’s work. And in the end his life was consumed by his inability to internalize the irreconcilable difference between his need to be consumed with his need to assert his ego and place in history. His friend Boris Pasternak wrote: “Mayakovsky shot himself out of pride because he had condemned something in himself... with which his self-respect could not be reconciled.”
O’Hara had a long and well-documented relationship with the majority of the artists working in New York during the 1950’s and 60’s, particularly Willem De Kooning and Larry Rivers. However, it is his relationship with Jasper Johns is the most interesting in terms of a painter whose will reflect back to certain aspects of O’Hara. In 1961, Johns painted In Memory of My Feelings – Frank O’Hara. It was also in this year that he made Painting Bitten by a Man (which is exactly what it sounds like: a canvas covered in encaustic and bitten by a man and mounted in an old type plate), Water Freezes, Liar, and No. This period represents Johns’s need to internalize and organize the gut; to take his resounding emotions of sadness (which are evident in the titles: the paintings are called No, Liar, Painting Bitten by a Man and In Memory of My Feelings) and to lay them out and organize them into ways of dealing. And while Robert Rauschenberg might be easier to compare with O’Hara, as the two of them were constantly turning out material, it is this need to organize rather than embrace our emotions that seems so present in Johns’s work, and connects so well to these aspects of O’Hara’s. When Johns encounters sadness he works through it. He takes these gut emotions and finds a way, through his art, to organize and document his pain and sadness. His work seems to, in this case, be a proponent of the notion that by giving voice to a thought we are letting it out of ourselves and into the world. In Painting Bitten by a Man, Johns gives us a painting bitten by a man. It is a raw and visceral expression of pain and frustration, but at the same time it is an incredibly controlled action. Johns had to wait until the wax was hot enough to take the imprint of his teeth, but not so hot as to burn him, or to continue melting on until the canvas was one even surface. In order to express this pain he had to wait, and he had to think. He, much like the narrator in “Mayakovsky,” had to find a way to be himself again.
the paper is called
INTERNALIZING THE DIFFERENCE
Frank O’Hara’s internalization of Vladimir Mayakovsky’s poetics, and the
difference between them.
and it's in chicago which is why the quotes don't seem to be cited because they are footnotes.
the vicarious mfa shows you how to write a paper
for the howard lecture we had to write a 3-5 page paper about something in one of the books that we read for the lecture. we were told that if our paper was great howard would talk to us about how great we are. we were told if our paper was terrible howard would talk to us about how we need to rewrite it if we want to pass the class. we were told that if we were neither amazing nor awful we would never hear from him again.
this is that paper.
Dear Richard Howard,
I am writing to you from Bushwick (which is, as you know, in Brooklyn) where our skies and weather reports have become colonized by a cold and thick rain. I am writing to tell you of this short paper for you, wherein I attempt to chronicle
THINGS THAT GET COLONIZED BY OTHER THINGS IN BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA
Jonathan Harker colonizes Vienna. He colonizes Buda-Pesth. He colonizes the lateness of trains using his journal and then colonizes the town of Klausenberg. Jonathan Harker attempts colonization of the Carpathians using the German language and also maps. He then colonizes Bistritz. At Bukovina, the townspeople attempt to colonize his safety in the form of a crucifix. The townspeople also attempt to colonize his safety by bringing him along to Bukovina in a hurry. The Driver of the Strange Carriage successfully colonizes Jonathan Harker and later attempts some sort of colonization with blues flames that sprout out of the ground, which probably indicate treasure. It is possible the blue flames are a form of colonization. The Driver also has fully colonized the wolves of the area.
Jonathan Harker believes he has colonized the castle Dracula and the Count’s real estate needs. The Count colonizes Jonathan Harker’s knowledge of England in order to better colonize England. Jonathan Harker is colonized by fear.
Jonathan Harker colonizes the Count’s knowledge of the area’s history. Jonathan Harker’s veins are nearly colonized by several Vampire Ghost Women in a room he was told to never visit. The Vampire Ghost Women then colonize a baby.
The Count forces Jonathan Harker to write pre-dated letters informing his loved ones of his extended stay in Transylvania. The Count colonizes the Postal Service via Jonathan Harker’s letters. Jonathan Harker’s letters colonize his impending sense of his own death.
The Count colonizes Jonathan Harker’s clothes in order to colonize the veins of babies and also to colonize Jonathan Harker’s reputation and do terrible things to it once it is colonized. Jonathan Harker tries, unsuccessfully, to colonize the Count’s face with a shovel. The Count leaves to colonize England. Jonathan Harker colonizes a river, and later colonizes or is colonized by a convent and its staff. Meanwhile, his fiancée Mina Murray colonizes the Postal Service through her letters to her friend Lucy Westenra. Lucy Westenra colonizes the hearts of several men (John Seward, Arthur Holmwood, Quincey Morris), one of whom (Arthur Holmwood) colonizes her heart and also her hand in marriage.
The Count colonizes a ship and all of its crew and then begins to colonize England after crashing the ship upon the shore. Soon afterwards the Count begins colonizing Lucy Westenra. John Seward and Abraham Van Helsing colonize the Telegraph Service. They colonize Lucy Westenra’s veins with their blood in an attempt at reverse-colonization. They further enlist Arthur Holmwood and Quincey Morris’s veins and the blood found in said veins. Lucy Westenra is then colonized by the Count. Lucy Westenra colonizes several small children. Lucy Westenra is colonized by a team of men.
Mina Murray is reunited with Jonathan Harker and their mutual love colonizes the institution of marriage. Jonathan Harker colonizes his memories of Dracula into a journal and gives it to his wife as a sort of safeguard against future colonization by traumatic memories. At some point Jonathan Harker sees the Count on the streets of England (which streets the count is continuing to attempt to colonize) and becomes temporarily colonized by his traumatic memories. Jonathan Harker is then colonized by his traumatic memories. His hair has been colonized by the color white.
Mina Murray’s last name has been colonized by the name Harker and now she and Abraham Van Helsing colonize the institution of friendship.
The Count has now colonized several places in England, including a large manor called Carfax Abbey, which is near the mental institution that John Seward directs. In the mental institution is a man named Renfield who hopes to colonize all kinds of life forces (and by doing so take them as his own). His notebook is colonized by figures and the figures are numerical accounts and equations of the flies which are colonized by the spiders which in turn are colonized by the birds and then Renfield colonizes the birds, thus colonizing all that was consumed by the birds (and spiders, etc.). Due to his selfishness and love of life force colonization, Renfield’s will is colonized by the Count.
Abraham Van Helsing has now colonized a portion of his vast knowledge with the knowledge of both Vampiric lore and also the probable history of Count Dracula.
Renfield periodically colonizes escapology. Each colonization attempt leads to Carfax Abbey. Soon, Harker allows everyone to colonize the knowledge that Dracula lives there. They attempt to colonize Carfax Abbey They colonize the Dracula’s containers of dirt with holy water and bits of the Eucharist. Dracula tries to colonize their lives and comfort with rats. The men colonize the rats with dogs. All is well! Meanwhile, Dracula begins slowly colonizing Mina Harker’s veins and possibly her eternal soul.
Renfield attempts to warn the team of colonization attempts. Renfield is ignored. Jonathan Harker attempts to colonize Dracula’s other houses by means of bribery and insistence with movers. Dracula continues his efforts at colonizing Mina Harker.
Through great effort, the men and Mina colonize the knowledge of Dracula’s other houses. Dracula has Mina colonize his blood with her mouth, thus fully colonizing her to him for all his undead life.
The men split up and go to all his houses and colonize the rest of his boxes of dirt with Holy Water and pieces of the Eucharist. Dracula arrives at the house the team has assembled in wait at his last safe house. He attempts to colonize them. Harker attempts to colonize him with a long knife; colonized gold spills forth from Dracula’s chest and he escapes.
Using hypnosis, Abraham Van Helsing colonizes the psychic link between Mina Harker and Dracula. Abraham Van Helsing and Mina Harker manage to secretly colonize Dracula’s mind, which is connected to his ears and eyeballs. While doing so they colonize the fact that he is on a ship. They then colonize the information regarding which ship he is and where it is bound. It is bound for Transylvania.
Using a train (and a train that runs on time, at that), they colonize the railroads to the Carpathians. Using his powers (which are many and varied), Dracula propels the ship he is stowed on to his home in the Carpathians more swiftly than generally assumed possible.
Abraham Van Helsing, in the middle of the night, sets off to colonize Dracula. He is aided and guided by Mina Harker. The Vampire Ghost Women return and attempt to colonize Van Helsing. They also attempt to further cement the colonization of Mina Harker, who is not yet fully colonized. Their colonization attempts are rebuffed, and so they colonize the horses instead. Later, Van Helsing colonizes them in the tombs where they sleep. He then colonizes Dracula’s tomb, so that he can never to it return. The whole team then reunites and attempts to colonize Dracula and his vicious band of Gypsies.
Jonathan Harker colonizes Dracula’s throat with his Kukri knife, and then Quincey Morris colonizes Dracula’s heart with his Bowie knife. The vicious band of Gypsies then colonize Quincey Morris. Dracula has now been colonized.
Later, Jonathan Harker’s sperm colonize an egg inside of Mina, and their love (both physical and emotional), colonizes a baby, who is named Qunicey Arthur Abraham John Harker (or some variation; let’s say it was alphabetical, because that is always easier, so: Abraham Arthur John Quincey Harker, which it rhymes a bit, and that’s always pleasant) and his name is quite long, so it is colonized by the nickname Quincey (in the name of expediency). The book is then colonized by the feeling of Hope.
Yours in colonization,
(Alexander) Sasha Fletcher
this is that paper.
Dear Richard Howard,
I am writing to you from Bushwick (which is, as you know, in Brooklyn) where our skies and weather reports have become colonized by a cold and thick rain. I am writing to tell you of this short paper for you, wherein I attempt to chronicle
THINGS THAT GET COLONIZED BY OTHER THINGS IN BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA
Jonathan Harker colonizes Vienna. He colonizes Buda-Pesth. He colonizes the lateness of trains using his journal and then colonizes the town of Klausenberg. Jonathan Harker attempts colonization of the Carpathians using the German language and also maps. He then colonizes Bistritz. At Bukovina, the townspeople attempt to colonize his safety in the form of a crucifix. The townspeople also attempt to colonize his safety by bringing him along to Bukovina in a hurry. The Driver of the Strange Carriage successfully colonizes Jonathan Harker and later attempts some sort of colonization with blues flames that sprout out of the ground, which probably indicate treasure. It is possible the blue flames are a form of colonization. The Driver also has fully colonized the wolves of the area.
Jonathan Harker believes he has colonized the castle Dracula and the Count’s real estate needs. The Count colonizes Jonathan Harker’s knowledge of England in order to better colonize England. Jonathan Harker is colonized by fear.
Jonathan Harker colonizes the Count’s knowledge of the area’s history. Jonathan Harker’s veins are nearly colonized by several Vampire Ghost Women in a room he was told to never visit. The Vampire Ghost Women then colonize a baby.
The Count forces Jonathan Harker to write pre-dated letters informing his loved ones of his extended stay in Transylvania. The Count colonizes the Postal Service via Jonathan Harker’s letters. Jonathan Harker’s letters colonize his impending sense of his own death.
The Count colonizes Jonathan Harker’s clothes in order to colonize the veins of babies and also to colonize Jonathan Harker’s reputation and do terrible things to it once it is colonized. Jonathan Harker tries, unsuccessfully, to colonize the Count’s face with a shovel. The Count leaves to colonize England. Jonathan Harker colonizes a river, and later colonizes or is colonized by a convent and its staff. Meanwhile, his fiancée Mina Murray colonizes the Postal Service through her letters to her friend Lucy Westenra. Lucy Westenra colonizes the hearts of several men (John Seward, Arthur Holmwood, Quincey Morris), one of whom (Arthur Holmwood) colonizes her heart and also her hand in marriage.
The Count colonizes a ship and all of its crew and then begins to colonize England after crashing the ship upon the shore. Soon afterwards the Count begins colonizing Lucy Westenra. John Seward and Abraham Van Helsing colonize the Telegraph Service. They colonize Lucy Westenra’s veins with their blood in an attempt at reverse-colonization. They further enlist Arthur Holmwood and Quincey Morris’s veins and the blood found in said veins. Lucy Westenra is then colonized by the Count. Lucy Westenra colonizes several small children. Lucy Westenra is colonized by a team of men.
Mina Murray is reunited with Jonathan Harker and their mutual love colonizes the institution of marriage. Jonathan Harker colonizes his memories of Dracula into a journal and gives it to his wife as a sort of safeguard against future colonization by traumatic memories. At some point Jonathan Harker sees the Count on the streets of England (which streets the count is continuing to attempt to colonize) and becomes temporarily colonized by his traumatic memories. Jonathan Harker is then colonized by his traumatic memories. His hair has been colonized by the color white.
Mina Murray’s last name has been colonized by the name Harker and now she and Abraham Van Helsing colonize the institution of friendship.
The Count has now colonized several places in England, including a large manor called Carfax Abbey, which is near the mental institution that John Seward directs. In the mental institution is a man named Renfield who hopes to colonize all kinds of life forces (and by doing so take them as his own). His notebook is colonized by figures and the figures are numerical accounts and equations of the flies which are colonized by the spiders which in turn are colonized by the birds and then Renfield colonizes the birds, thus colonizing all that was consumed by the birds (and spiders, etc.). Due to his selfishness and love of life force colonization, Renfield’s will is colonized by the Count.
Abraham Van Helsing has now colonized a portion of his vast knowledge with the knowledge of both Vampiric lore and also the probable history of Count Dracula.
Renfield periodically colonizes escapology. Each colonization attempt leads to Carfax Abbey. Soon, Harker allows everyone to colonize the knowledge that Dracula lives there. They attempt to colonize Carfax Abbey They colonize the Dracula’s containers of dirt with holy water and bits of the Eucharist. Dracula tries to colonize their lives and comfort with rats. The men colonize the rats with dogs. All is well! Meanwhile, Dracula begins slowly colonizing Mina Harker’s veins and possibly her eternal soul.
Renfield attempts to warn the team of colonization attempts. Renfield is ignored. Jonathan Harker attempts to colonize Dracula’s other houses by means of bribery and insistence with movers. Dracula continues his efforts at colonizing Mina Harker.
Through great effort, the men and Mina colonize the knowledge of Dracula’s other houses. Dracula has Mina colonize his blood with her mouth, thus fully colonizing her to him for all his undead life.
The men split up and go to all his houses and colonize the rest of his boxes of dirt with Holy Water and pieces of the Eucharist. Dracula arrives at the house the team has assembled in wait at his last safe house. He attempts to colonize them. Harker attempts to colonize him with a long knife; colonized gold spills forth from Dracula’s chest and he escapes.
Using hypnosis, Abraham Van Helsing colonizes the psychic link between Mina Harker and Dracula. Abraham Van Helsing and Mina Harker manage to secretly colonize Dracula’s mind, which is connected to his ears and eyeballs. While doing so they colonize the fact that he is on a ship. They then colonize the information regarding which ship he is and where it is bound. It is bound for Transylvania.
Using a train (and a train that runs on time, at that), they colonize the railroads to the Carpathians. Using his powers (which are many and varied), Dracula propels the ship he is stowed on to his home in the Carpathians more swiftly than generally assumed possible.
Abraham Van Helsing, in the middle of the night, sets off to colonize Dracula. He is aided and guided by Mina Harker. The Vampire Ghost Women return and attempt to colonize Van Helsing. They also attempt to further cement the colonization of Mina Harker, who is not yet fully colonized. Their colonization attempts are rebuffed, and so they colonize the horses instead. Later, Van Helsing colonizes them in the tombs where they sleep. He then colonizes Dracula’s tomb, so that he can never to it return. The whole team then reunites and attempts to colonize Dracula and his vicious band of Gypsies.
Jonathan Harker colonizes Dracula’s throat with his Kukri knife, and then Quincey Morris colonizes Dracula’s heart with his Bowie knife. The vicious band of Gypsies then colonize Quincey Morris. Dracula has now been colonized.
Later, Jonathan Harker’s sperm colonize an egg inside of Mina, and their love (both physical and emotional), colonizes a baby, who is named Qunicey Arthur Abraham John Harker (or some variation; let’s say it was alphabetical, because that is always easier, so: Abraham Arthur John Quincey Harker, which it rhymes a bit, and that’s always pleasant) and his name is quite long, so it is colonized by the nickname Quincey (in the name of expediency). The book is then colonized by the feeling of Hope.
Yours in colonization,
(Alexander) Sasha Fletcher
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