LIV

because nothing is ever as easy
as just letting it go,

my love says do you think
jennifer connelly’ll even pick up?

I say she is as likely as the last girl I called
and we all have a laugh at this

because she did not pick up either!

one day my love says
’you will float your phones and your internets
and your need to reach out in the dark
like so many newspaper boats on a pond,
in a room, filled with things we don’t need’

I wonder about this and scratch
at the follicles slowly growing on my neck.

LIII

my love is sometimes wracked by guilt
and fits of handsomeness.

last night I dreamed there was a fire escape
out my window
and a pretty girl let me follow her down.

today I think about writing my own crossword
and decide that I am going to call up jennifer connelly
and she is going to ask me out on a date.

my love shoots me a look
like the way cold smells
like the way a lighthouse looks
to a sailor
intent on synchronized shipwrecks.

LIII

i am going to call up jennifer connelly
and she is going to ask me out on a date.

my love shoots me a look
like the way cold smells
like the way a lighthouse looks
to a sailor
intent on synchronized shipwrecks.

so i went out
to a party
to a bar
to a body of water
to an automated teller machine or liquor store
or some other place where things go on and come to an end
all at the same time, like childbirth, or if napalm was also a form of fertilizer.

LII

my love never falls
my love has extremely good balance
this is what my love is saying to me, right now.

i say so what? i say ‘I fall all the time, every day’
say ‘due to a problem with my inner ear.’

once i fell in a lake, and instead of drowning, my inner ear just said hey, come on
over and the entire body of water went in to visit with my inner ear.

my love looks at me oddly, briefly
then says i was just being cocky!
we all have inner ear problems!

i say i know. that it is ok. that i have been practicing my prat falls
& burying trampolines all up and down this city.

my love looks at me, and i look to the cars which are like trees in a still life
my love asks me how do you spell the sound of snow not falling
i draw an umbrella on the table, using ice shavings, and give my love a look.

LII

we have been talking about falling
and my love’s skill with the balance beam.

i say to my love
i fall all the time and at least once a day

i say: due to a problem with my inner ear

once i fell into a lake and instead of drowning i put all the water in my ear

so i am sorry if my balance is not as good as yours.

my love looks up, says hey
says ‘i was being cocky

we all have inner ear problems’

i say don’t worry about it,

that i have buried trampolines
all over the city

just in case.

LI: ‘we have gone underground and come up for air and we are making our home’

i am growing my beard back
for strategic purposes

mostly related to hiding.
my love tells me i should just build a fort

out of bed sheets out of cardboard
out of the apologists for nitrites
and the reasons lazarus tried to dig his way back home.

i ask my love what they are talking about
my love says ‘it’s just something i heard once’

my love is always saying things like that.
once my love told me george washington built a cherry tree

that abraham lincoln wore a false beard
‘oh, for all sorts of reasons’

i press my cheek to the window and feel various things.

L

i say to my love,
you know how it feels
when you get into bed

and you’re still cold,

so you tense every muscle
and move as much as you can while keeping flat
until the warm comes?

i say to my love i fucking love that.

my love looks through the paper
says nothing at all.

i scratch 'your love'
into the carpet
with my big toe

and see how long it stays there.

XLVI

i want to fill your pockets with weapons

i want to power that blinking light on your back
with a renewable resource like tears or construction
or something else you can count on to take up space.

my love looks at me
& i look forward, with intent.

i say i have got two sets of headphones
& a vcr
& sixty-percent of the time,

I pick up on the first ring.

my love says this shows I’m desperate and lonely
i say it shows dependability
& think about telling my love to go take a hike
to see what happens when the light changes.

XLVIII

i said this is nothing like it was in my room, in my best clothes
the shark in the tub just swims a little
& i listen as the hum makes things quiet down a bit

how fans do that somehow
how things quiet down if you drown them out.

i said to my love the other day what does it mean
to believe in something greater

my love said it believes in the concrete
because sometimes that’s enough
because sometimes because

because we all do what we can to get by
my love said I should start eating breakfast
that it could really make a difference in my day.

you say, "corn flakes have ruined my life."